Epilepsy Awareness Month: Loneliness and Friendships

We had a wonderful dinner with friends on the first day in Southern California for our Epilepsy Awareness Day trip. We can only see them a few times a year so our get-togethers are non-stop talking and laughing and warm hugs!  We planned to finally take a picture of the four of us but completely forgot with all the chatting, laughing and eating way more than we should!

This made me think of how social Robert always was. He had a wonderful group of friends in school, was active in his church as an adult and then, when he lived with us, had so many friends at his Day Program and eventually at his facility. He was very social his whole life.

But Epilepsy can be lonely and isolating. Stigma still exists and people can also be uncomfortable around seizures.  People with Epilepsy may feel embarrassed when they have a seizure in public leading them to hesitate to go out with friends and family.

Anti-seizure medications can also contribute to these feelings. They can alter a person’s mood or make them drowsy which affects if a person wants to socialize.

A logistical reason for loneliness is some people with Epilepsy cannot drive. Sure, it’s great to have ride-share options these days but that costs money so it’s not an option people can use all the time. Public transportation can be available but that doesn’t lend itself to a spontaneous visit with friends and options in rural areas can be limited.

So Epilepsy can be lonely.

The Epilepsy Awareness Day at Disneyland Expo is not only about education but about community. Seeing people walk into the event I can tell they feel like they have found their people. Attendees have hope for seizure control for themselves or their loved one and with so many hospitals attending and doctors giving seminars and non-profits sharing information, the options are plentiful (although a bit overwhelming).

Richard and I and one of our other co-authors, Gincy, brought our 365 Caregiving Tips books to the event and thanks to a sponsor, NorthShore Supply, were able to give away our “Caring for Yourself” book at a table generously paid for by Other Brother.

The individuals and families stopping by were all looking for answers and support and they found it at this expo. Their strollers, wheelchairs or bags were overflowing with pamphlets, books, and trinkets and flyers from all the vendors.

People attended with their support group or their significant other or the entire family. It was clear how much people cared for each other and how they all wanted the best for their loved one. So many visitors at our table shared their story of medication changes, surgeries, seizures, and their own feelings of overwhelm.

Yes, Epilepsy can make a person feel lonely but people with Epilepsy can also be resilient and compassionate and caring and have terrific support systems. Robert loved attending these expos and it was weird not having him there this year. He was always the greeter at our table and loved to talk to the visitors at the table and even the people walking by! He would just talk louder if people walked by without stopping to chat – he assumed they just didn’t hear him!

Robert was our social butterfly.

 

 

Epilepsy Awareness Month: Excited for EADDL

 

Richard and I are excited! We leave tomorrow for Epilepsy Awareness Day at Disneyland! We started going to this event in 2014 and Robert went with us. I remember being nervous about traveling with Robert but it was easier than I had feared (isn’t that always the way?) and we kept going back!

We couldn’t take him in 2023 because he was in the Skilled Nursing Facility and physically it would have been too tough for us. That was the year I had two cataract surgeries and two Mohs surgeries and I just didn’t have the energy it would take to care for him.

I really missed not bringing him that year. Last year only Other Brother attended the event because of that darn heart attack Richard had! (Although, frankly, I am relieved that if Richard had to have a heart attack he had it in front of an emergency room instead of in Disneyland!) Timing is everything.

This year we are going and we couldn’t be more excited. Our daughter, her husband and our grandson are going and Other Brother and his wife will be there too! Robert will be with us in spirit (and in photo form) so he can join us for our traditional photo in the Tea Cups!

I am grateful for the memories of visiting Disneyland so many times with Robert. He enjoyed every minute of it even though he always, always, always had seizures during the days in the park. Unfortunately, excitement was a reliable seizure trigger for Robert and it is pretty much impossible to keep someone from getting excited about Disneyland!

I wondered if taking him to Disneyland was worth the seizures. I was always considering Robert’s quality of life when I cared for him and even though the seizures were rough on him, I just couldn’t take that joy away from him.

We did our best to manage the excitement. The first year we went, we counted down the days on a chalkboard in his room. Two days before our flight was scheduled to leave, Robert ended up in the emergency room with a cluster of seizures that wouldn’t stop!

We never did the countdown to the trip again. In fact, Richard and I would be super low-key and casually mention we were going on a trip to Disneyland only when we were close to the departure date. We did our best not to show too much excitement when we entered the park but, I admit, that was tough.

Robert never ended up in the hospital again due to all the seizures (at least not around Disneyland time) and I have plenty of photos showing Robert smiling from ear to ear the whole time we were there.

I definitely think it was worth it.

Richard said today that going to Disneyland without Robert will be strange. Yes, it will be different and Robert will be missed but I am so happy we will have family there to enjoy it with us!

Epilepsy Awareness Month: Interview with Robert

 

In November 2012, I did several interviews with people for Epilepsy Awareness Month and Robert was one of those interviews.

I’m pretty tired tonight so instead of writing a whole new blog, I want to share that interview with you. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did! (The original post can be found here.)

Robert’s Sister:   How does it feel to have epilepsy?

I don’t want to have epilepsy.  I want it to stop completely.  That’s one of the main reasons why I had the brain surgeries. 

Robert’s Sister:  How did your family treat you when you were growing up?  

They treated me pretty good.  I tried every medication but nothing was ever able to stop me from having seizures.  They kept an eye on me.

Robert’s Sister:  Did the kids at school treat you differently because you had epilepsy? 

I had a lot of nice friends when I was in high school.  A lot of them were handicapped also and we went to gym.  In the back room we were able to play pool and I even taught some of the guys how to play pool.  Some didn’t know how to play right so I taught them correctly.  They really liked it too and thanked me a lot for that too.   My classmates were nice to me and nice to each other.

Robert’s Sister:  Do you think the medications affect how you feel?

It doesn’t hurt me any.  When I was younger, I was still having seizures at times before the brain surgery. I always controlled my mood.  I thank God for that.

Robert’s Sister:  How do you feel about having brain surgeries?  Do you think they helped? (Note: Robert has had two brain surgeries)

The brain surgeries did help a lot. The first one was January 4, 1990.  I remember I was awake during the brain surgery.  The surgery was ten hours long and I was awake and the doctor showed me 3 x 5 cards, back and forth.  He had me move my fingers and toes. 

Robert’s Sister:  What made you want to be involved in research studies?  (Note: Robert was involved in a research study for the Deep Brain Stimulator at UCSF as well as a variety of new medications)

To see if they would stop me from having seizures or not. 

Robert’s Sister:  How did it make you feel when Dad said he didn’t want you to participate in the research studies? (Note: Our dad didn’t like the idea of Robert participating in research studies)

I felt like Dad didn’t want to help me.  I believe I did the correct thing. 

Robert’s Sister:  How do you feel about living in a care facility?

It’s okay.  The people are nice there.

Robert’s Sister:  What is your favorite memory? 

I like to remember Mom.  I still remember her in my mind.  It’s too bad she had cancer in her stomach and passed away early.  (Our Mom passed away from liver cancer in 1999 when she was only 56 years old). 

Robert’s Sister:  Do you ever wish you didn’t have epilepsy?

Yes.  I remember when I was 15 I was at Dad’s house in Modesto.  Dad took me to a friend’s house and we went to the Jacuzzi for a while.  I told him I was going to do a couple of laps in the pool and went to the deep end.  A seizure hit and I fell in.  My friend saw me lying at the bottom of the pool and told my dad.  Dad dove in and he was still in his work clothes.  He dove in and pulled me out.  The paramedics had to start my heart again and the Lord told me it wasn’t my time to die yet and I was here for a reason.  

Robert’s Sister:  What do you think that reason was?

To help other people. 

Robert’s Sister:  What do you want people to know about epilepsy?

Epilepsy is a seizure disorder. A person could have a seizure and fall down. They may injure themselves also.  I remember I cracked open my head 36 times in the past. (Note from Robert’s Sister: he wears a helmet now; probably about 35 times too late).

Robert’s Sister:  Is there anything else you want to say?

I thank God for saving me in everything so far. 

Robert’s Sister:  I have one last question and it’s a really hard one.  You better take an extra drink of your shake for this one.  Who is your favorite sister?  J

(Laughing) – You!  (More laughter)  No, George Washington!  Only joking!  (Still laughing)  You’re my favorite sister.  My only sister also. 

Robert’s Sister:  Many thanks to Robert for answering my questions!

 

 

Epilepsy Awareness Month: Surgical Options

Robert’s Epilepsy was considered uncontrolled, otherwise known as refractory or intractable. I always called it intractable but either is correct.

Epilepsy is classified as intractable after two anti-seizure medications fail. Robert’s seizures continued after several (and I mean several) anti-seizure medications and combinations of medications failed. This happens for approximately 30 percent of people living with Epilepsy!

Medications aren’t the only treatment option for Epilepsy though. There are several surgical options and Robert tried several of those as well. The Epilepsy Foundation has some good information about the different kinds of surgeries for Epilepsy so I won’t go into all of them.

I do want to tell you about the surgeries Robert had. Robert was willing to try anything to control his seizures – even surgery.

Shortly after Robert was diagnosed, Robert was about seven years old and our parents wanted him to see the best neurologist in the world. That seemed pretty far-fetched since, believe me, we did not have Kardashian money, but our parents did love us kids so I can’t really blame them for wanting the best for Robert.

They found a neurologist and was able to get an appointment. In Switzerland!

I always wondered who they had seen and while searching for photos after Robert died, Rich and I found a piece of paper with the neurologist’s name! How crazy is that?! That surgeon said he could not do surgery on Robert but I looked him up and it turns out he really was the best! He was chosen as “Neurosurgery’s Man of the Century” in 1999.

I need one of those shocked face emojis right about now.

Robert didn’t have surgery when he was seven years old but he did have two Brain Resections in his twenties. They helped some in that he no longer had Tonic Clonic seizures but he did still have seizures.

Robert also participated in a trial for the Vagus Nerve Stimulator and then the Deep Brain Stimulator.

2021 DBS Surgery

Once the Deep Brain Stimulator was approved by the FDA to treat Epilepsy, Robert had that implanted. It had shown promise when he was in the study so we had hope it would help him. Robert had the DBS implanted in 2021 and, if I understand it correctly, it works better and better over time. That seemed to be the case for Robert as we thought his seizures were decreasing! His wonderful neurologist and I were very hopeful for the future! (Unfortunately this last visit to the neurologist was three days before Robert died.)  

Our hope was that Robert could reduce or eliminate some of his anti-seizure medications since all the side-effects of the medications are just awful. For Robert, the worst was the Depakote! That was brutal on his liver and he was consistently living with high ammonia levels making him pretty drowsy.

While Robert’s surgeries weren’t a miracle cure for him, they can help and they did help him. I personally know (okay, I know her through social media) at least one young lady who had a major surgery for her Epilepsy and it stopped her seizures. She’s been seizure free for many years now. When that happens, it is a miracle!

And, as you know, we are all about miracles around here!

Epilepsy Awareness Month: Let’s Not Judge

It’s hard to believe there is still stigma surrounding Epilepsy, even today and in many cultures.  The myths surrounding Epilepsy are outlandish and absurd and could easily be ignored if they weren’t still perpetuated today, causing real harm to those with Epilepsy.

Robert experienced judgment from others because of his Epilepsy.

Robert senior picture

I shared a story at Robert’s Celebration of Life about him having seizures at school (middle school if I remember correctly) and kids making fun of him. I remember picking Robert up from school once because he had a seizure and had wet his pants. Robert would sometimes become incontinent with his seizures so I can only imagine the embarrassment he felt when it happened at school or other public place.

I don’t know if it was because of that instance or another time he had a seizure in class but Robert knew the kids were making fun of him. Robert didn’t let that moment of embarrassment deter him though. He asked the teacher if he could talk to the class about his Epilepsy and the seizures. Thank goodness that teacher said yes because it was so important to Robert. He told me that story multiple times and was so proud he was able to talk the kids who made fun of him. How brave of him to do that! As for me, I couldn’t talk in front of the class without turning bright red!  

People sometimes make fun of things they don’t understand. Sometimes people judge others when they don’t understand something. 

Goofing around

One time, our family was at a lunch when Other Brother Rich was in college in the Bay Area. It was a big deal that our brother went to Berkeley and visiting Rich was a treat for all of us. 

We were at a crowded café, nothing fancy so the tables were pretty close together. People were coming in and out and all the tables were full during the noon rush. Robert had a seizure during our lunch and fell to the floor. I actually never got used to seeing Robert have a seizure whether it was a Tonic Clonic or Focal Impaired seizure. It was difficult for me to see him like that. If I never got used to it, I’m sure others were uncomfortable, especially if they had never seen one before. 

That day, though, as Robert was having his seizure, I overheard one of the patrons on the way out the door say something to the effect that he was probably on drugs. 

Oh my gosh, that infuriated me. When I relive that in my head now I imagine following them out of the café and really giving them a piece of my mind. (Yes, the movie version of this scene in my head has me cornering them outside and screaming at them!) I am sure I didn’t do that but boy did I want to! 

(The things we think of after a situation is over! Or maybe that’s just me.)

Robert recovered that day. I probably didn’t scream at anyone and I’m sure we all finished our sandwiches and enjoyed hanging out with Other Brother. 

I think about this from time to time and really hope that the person who mistakenly thought Robert was a drug addict eventually learned about Epilepsy and regrets his comment. I don’t want him to beat himself up too much about it because maybe he just didn’t know. Maybe it looked scary to him (it was scary to me!) and he didn’t know how else to react. 

He also could have just been a jerk but I like to think the best of people. 

None of us knows everything about everything so we really shouldn’t judge ourselves for making stupid mistakes before we know better. 

It’s making sure we get to the “knowing better” point that’s important. 

So let’s know better and not judge when we see something that’s different or makes us uncomfortable. 

Trip to Santa Cruz

Epilepsy Awareness Month: Living Life

Life with Epilepsy is not just about seizures, doctor appointments and medications. People with Epilepsy – even with uncontrolled seizures – live their lives! They hang out with friends, go to family events, ride horses, travel, and volunteer. 

They bowl, golf, get married, write poetry, watch baseball and tell jokes. They graduate from high school and go to college. They join a church and become involved in bible study. They do their shopping and cook dinner. 

Epilepsy doesn’t stop people from living life. 

The effects of uncontrolled seizures on a person is wide-ranging, though, and can be devastating. Some may need round-the-clock care but they are able to give their mom the sweetest hug or a sly smile. Others live independently and some just need a modest amount of help. 

Robert lived a full life. He loved to travel with our dad and would remind me and Other Brother (and anyone else within earshot) that he had been to Hawaii five times. He went to Disneyland more times that and enjoyed trips to Las Vegas too! 

Robert made friends everywhere he went. He had friends at school, at church, at Day Program and at the Skilled Nursing Facility. There was something about Robert that everyone loved. Maybe it was the dimples and curly hair. Maybe it was his never-ending jokes about drinking whiskey and going to New York City and then laughing at his own absurd joke. Maybe it was because he was so darn polite! 

Robert had uncontrolled seizures his entire life yet did all the things I listed above. Except write poetry – I don’t think he did that. Oh and he watched football more than baseball. Plus, he was married but it was annulled after just a few days (turns out his “wife” wanted a honeymoon to Hawaii more than she wanted to be married). 

Robert definitely lived a full life. He lived a life with joy (although, don’t get me wrong, he could get pretty darn cranky and stubborn but we can talk about that another day). 

For now, let’s remember that there is so much more to a person with Epilepsy than just the disorder. 

Epilepsy Awareness Month: The Seizures

I wanted to talk about the different kinds of seizures Robert has had throughout his life but then I started to review his seizure logs. I kept track of his seizures since I started caring for him so we could show his neurology team at Robert’s appointments.

Snapshot of Robert's seizure log

Before I started caring for Robert he would also keep a log which I have in a box around here somewhere.

The doctors loved the log since they were able to understand the sheer number of seizures Robert had and I loved it because I was trying to track down his seizure triggers. I even created a spreadsheet for weather stats but that proved to be too time-consuming.

 The spreadsheet included the time of the seizure, its duration and Robert’s behavior pre and post stages (prodromal and postictal) and during the actual seizure.

 Robert’s seizures were Focal Impaired Awareness (aka, Complex Partial) seizures. If he was standing, he would fall. If he was on the toilet or in a bath chair, he would sometimes lean over and fall if someone wasn’t there to catch him. Seizures in the bath chair were even more of a problem because he would move his head back and forth and lean to one side, sometimes making him slide down off the chair unless one of us could hold him up until the seizure ended.

Robert’s head always turned to the right during a seizure. This is why when he was unresponsive in June and had his head turned to the left and upward, I knew it wasn’t a seizure. I thought maybe he had a stroke but, as it turns out, it was due to his first bout of pancreatitis.

As a child, Robert would stare off into space. He described these seizures as being able to see cartoons in his head and the colors, “red, blue and green.” Teachers thought he wasn’t paying attention but he was having an absence seizure.

By the time he was a teen, he had Tonic Clonic seizures (aka, grand mal/convulsive) and lose control of his bladder. These are the seizures typically portrayed in movies but they are one of many, many kinds of seizures.

After Robert had his brain resections in his twenties, his seizures were the Focal Impaired Awareness (aka, Complex Partial) kind.

When I took over his care and he lived with me and Richard, these were the seizures he had. He was still walking so we had to make sure he wore his helmet when he was standing and I made him start wearing it even when sitting at a table since, once, he fell sideways onto the floor during a meal.

We were always trying to keep up with (and prevent) the numerous ways Robert could get hurt. The helmet definitely saved his head on numerous occasions.

Side note/rant: Robert was on Medicaid and the helmet was medically necessary. In fact, if he didn’t wear it he would end up in the hospital needing stitches! (And he did – he briefly lived in a facility and did not wear his helmet when walking around and had a seizure and cracked open his head! He required several stitches!)

Back to my rant: Obviously, not wearing a helmet was very costly. However, Medicaid always denied the purchase of a helmet. I found it so ridiculous they wouldn’t pay $400 for a fitted helmet yet would pay thousands of dollars for a head injury – stitches, CT scan, ER visit! We paid out of pocket for the helmet but I always worried about those that didn’t have the means to do so and the kids or adults who continued to sustain head injuries when a helmet could have prevented them.

It makes no sense and frustrates me no end.

Out of curiosity today I reviewed his seizure logs. I was curious how many seizures Robert had. Even though I kept these logs and counted the seizures monthly to see if they were waning or getting worse with medication changes I never thought to count how many he had in the time that I cared for him. Keep in mind, these logs are not completely accurate because I was not looking at Robert 24/7. Sometimes his seizures would only last 2 – 3 seconds so capturing all of them would be impossible.

Just because I counted.

Robert had clusters of seizures so some months he had dozens. Every year he had between 200 – 500 seizures. I logged over 3,000 seizures over a ten year period. Some people have fewer; some more.

This is why we continued to find the right medication and dose for Robert. This is why we had the Deep Brain Stimulator installed. This is why he had his brain resections.

Approximately 30 – 40% of people with epilepsy have uncontrolled seizures. Getting complete seizure control is something 1.5 million adults in the US are still striving for.

That is a grim statistic but supporting epilepsy research, sharing information about epilepsy, being involved in various organizations helping families dealing with epilepsy and even learning seizure first aid are all ways to support those with epilepsy.

Thank you for reading and for your support of Robert and our family through the years.

 

Robert in a postictal phase

Epilepsy Awareness Month: Why the Decline?

Robert has had Epilepsy since he was a child and uncontrolled seizures his entire life but he wasn’t always in a wheelchair. He was an active kid (“hyperactive” was actually the label put on him). Robert had numerous seizures which made him fall but didn’t start wearing a helmet until his twenties. 

I don’t know why.

Looking back, the kid should have not only worn a helmet but been in bubble wrap.

Robert’s injuries were extensive: numerous concussions from falling on concrete, a broken shoulder due to a fall, a broken jaw at one point, and even severely burned his arm when he fell against a hot lamp bulb when he was alone. He miraculously survived a drowning when he had a seizure while swimming and I vaguely remember him getting hit by a car but the details are fuzzy on that one. 

I mean, seriously. We should have looked into the bubble wrap option. 

Robert was in his early forties and living with his companion, Judy, when we determined it was too unsafe for him to live alone. (Caregivers question themselves all the time about whether we should have stepped in earlier than we did. I am no exception but I stepped in when I did and, as my friend Kathy says, it was just the right time.)

Robert’s neighbor told Other Brother (Rich) and I that Robert was falling more than usual. There were some other things happening too and he ended up in the hospital and then a Skilled Nursing Facility for a while. That’s when we decided he couldn’t go back to his house and I took over his care. 

Robert was still walking at this point but eventually needed a walker because he wasn’t very steady on his feet. 

After he moved in with me and Richard, it was clear that Robert needed to wear briefs all the time. He couldn’t make it to the bathroom on time through no fault of his own. He didn’t move that fast but also his brain wasn’t telling him to get to the bathroom as quickly as it used to. 

The mobility decline snuck up on us until one day Robert couldn’t move his legs. He just couldn’t get them to move. He tried. I could really see him thinking about it but his legs (particularly the right one) wouldn’t budge. 

Robert landed in the hospital since this was such a dramatic change and he was there for a couple of weeks while they tried to figure out what was going on. 

The neurologists thought he possibly had Cervical Disc Disease with Myelopathy. Eventually, however, his wonderful neurologist that specializes in movement disorders said he had Parkinsonism (not Parkinson’s disease but, from a very basic understanding, it is just the movement disorder part of Parkinson’s). She put him on Sinemet which did help his movement. She also thought his decline could be due to CTE (Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy) which is a degenerative brain disorder caused by repeated concussions. 

It can’t be definitively diagnosed, though, until an autopsy is done. 

Robert was always one to sign up for various studies whether it was for a new anti-seizure medication, surgery or medical device. He wanted to help others but also wanted his seizures to stop so he always signed up for trials. It kind of drove our dad crazy but he kept signing up for these things. Robert even tested the Deep Brain Stimulator before the FDA approved it for use in Epilepsy (it was actually first approved for use in Parkinson’s Disease). The DBS trial was showing that it helped reduce his seizures but, unfortunately, it became terribly infected and he had to have it removed. 

Several years later, once the DBS was officially approved, he was able to have it implanted again and it was definitely helping with his seizures. 

Given the suspicion of CTE and Robert’s willingness to participate in scientific trials it really was a no brainer (sorry, pun intended!) to have Robert’s brain autopsied after he died. 

I wasn’t sure how to go about this but I had read about Dr. Bennet Omalu who first discovered CTE in football players. I knew he had connections to UCDMC where Robert was hospitalized so after Robert died I looked up his website and contacted him. He responded within just a few hours and said his assistant would contact me. She did and, after talking to Richard and Rich we made the decision to have Dr. Omalu autopsy Robert’s brain. 

They made it super easy – they would get Robert from the hospital, retrieve his brain and then transport him to the funeral home. Initially, we chose a funeral home a few hours away because it is where our parents are buried but once we found out the cost of the burial (yikes!), we decided cremation would be the way to go and we could go with a funeral home in our area. Richard’s family had used the local option for many years and they were family owned so it was a easy choice. 

I let Dr. Omalu’s office know about the change only to find out Robert was already on his way to the original funeral home! There was some miscommunication with this funeral home who apparently had one department who knew we had declined their services but the message hadn’t made it to another department. Robert’s driver was literally ten minutes away before getting the message that he had to turn around and bring Robert back. 

Rich and I joked that Robert had a field trip to see our parents’ graves one last time. I’m certain he enjoyed it! 

The results of the autopsy won’t be available for several more months but it will be interesting to get the results. Did Robert have CTE or was his decline due to some other neurodegenerative disease? Or was it all because of the lifelong, uncontrolled seizures? 

I told his neurologists what we were doing and that I would send them the results. They were very grateful and told me how generous it was to do the autopsy.

I felt we really didn’t have any other choice. I wanted to honor Robert’s mission to educate others about Epilepsy and I wanted to find answers that might help others who have had years and years of uncontrolled seizures.  

I am grateful to Robert for this one last gift. 

Epilepsy Awareness Month: Continuing Epilepsy Education

It’s November so that means it is Epilepsy Awareness Month. In past years, I have shared facts about epilepsy, interviewed people with epilepsy and spotlighted organizations that help people with epilepsy and their families. I have shared what life with epilepsy has been like for Robert. It was important to Robert to educate people about epilepsy and I wanted to help him fulfill that passion – that life goal of his. 

Robert is gone now. (That is still hard for me to believe.) As most of you know, Robert died on September 28. Not from seizures or Status Epilepticus or SUDEP (Sudden Unexpected Death from Epilepsy); not even from Aspiration Pneumonia which I thought for sure would be what did him in. (After all, that’s what the doctors told me in June when they were pressuring me to let them insert a feeding tube which I adamantly refused.)

No. It was none of that. 

It was Necrotizing Pancreatitis caused by gall stones of all things (which were found in June but treatment for that was not a high priority at the time because he was in such bad shape from aspirating after vomiting from the Pancreatitis.) 

Nothing related to Epilepsy.  

I suppose the argument could be made that the Pancreatitis was allowed to get so bad because somehow (maybe due to all the anti-seizure meds he was on) Robert rarely experienced pain. It was always so ironic to me since my husband, Richard, has dealt with extreme chronic pain since I met him and Robert never seemed to feel pain. I always wished that somehow their pain centers could balance each other out and Richard would feel less pain. (Although now that I write that down I certainly didn’t want Robert to experience more pain so my balancing out the pain centers idea kind of falls apart.)

Well, a quick google search actually says it is normal not to feel pain while on anti-seizure meds. This has just always been a theory of mine based on Robert’s experience through the years but apparently that is an actual side-effect of some of the medications.  

I’ve heard that Pancreatitis is extremely painful but Robert never complained about his stomach hurting. He didn’t act like he was in pain. He flinched a little in June when he was hospitalized and they pressed on his stomach but nothing after that. 

Robert casually mentioned at a doctor’s appointment the week before his last hospitalization that his head hurt but he was not acting in pain at all. Looking back, I suppose this could have been “referred pain” but this didn’t occur to me or anyone else. He was actually acting more alert than usual so there was no reason to suspect he was in pain or that anything was “off.” 

That last week he was alert, playing bingo and talking and laughing! I was actually feeling so good about how he was doing! Fewer seizures, less sleepiness – heck, his neurologist even reduced one of his meds and talked about eventually seeing Robert every six months instead of the usual every three month visits!  

This was all so promising! 

Obviously, though, there was a problem because four short days later he was in the ER with septic shock from this necrotizing pancreatitis! 

That’s why this was such a shock. 

As a caregiver, it is impossible to know what is going to come at you. You can say the same thing about dealing with epilepsy.  Medication side-effects, accidents, concussions, surgeries, and an eventual decline from all of it. It can be unpredictable, brutal and heart-wrenching. 

But there can be some really good days. Even good months and I am thrilled to look back on Robert’s last month and be able to say it really truly was super, amazing, excellent and great. 

I’m going to do my best to write something about Robert each day this month. Epilepsy is different for everyone but I hope some of this information will help others. I hope by talking about Robert’s experience it will help others with epilepsy and their caregivers. 

I hope to keep going with Robert’s goal of educating others about epilepsy. 

And I suspect it will keep Robert close to me and his friends, family and “fans.” After all, he did love to be the center of attention! 

Epilepsy Awareness Month: Grateful and Inspired

November is the “official” Epilepsy Awareness Month but epilepsy and seizures and caregiving don’t stop just because it is December. People live it every day, every month, every year.

Every moment.

The people I was able to interview this year know what I am talking about. These people have epilepsy or care for someone with epilepsy and somehow find time to also advocate and educate others. They still have time to follow their dreams, go to college, get advanced degrees and continue to live their lives day in, day out.

Epilepsy does not stop these people. There may be stigma and lack of awareness about epilepsy or what to do when witnessing a seizure but people who have epilepsy in their life don’t let that hold them back.

These people have grit!

I absolutely loved following up with the people I interviewed in November 2012. These people and their stories of resilience, persistence and tenacity are as inspiring as anyone could be.

I also was delighted to interview people I missed the first time around! These people are just as resilient, strong and persistent in their fight against epilepsy. (And, heads up, you know I’ll email you for a follow-up interview in four years). J 

My heart hurt to read the struggles that so many people face with epilepsy but I was also overcome with emotion when these same people persevered through terrible obstacles.

I was so inspired by these people who think of others, are kind and who do not give up. Ever.

Below is a brief recap of these exceptional people. Please click on their name to read their full interview.

Cathi Shaw, author and mom, has found that delicate balance of caring for her daughter who has epilepsy without being overprotective and is, in fact, extraordinarily supportive. Cathi has watched her daughter struggle with reactions to medications, start her own non-profit and win the Terry Fox Humanitarian Award.

Michelle Reichartz was first interviewed in 2012 and she has since moved to be closer to family, got her Master’s Degree and plans to pursue her Ph.D.! Epilepsy definitely does not stop this woman from following her dreams and finding success along the way.

Tiffany Kairos is a strong, relentless advocate for those with epilepsy. She educates others, shares her personal story and was nominated for the WEGO Health Awards, Best in Show: Twitter – which she won! Congratulations, Tiffany! Oh yeah, she’s also a badass.

How many people start a non-profit to help support families with children who suffer from epilepsy? There are several. How many do so without personally having a child with epilepsy? Probably one: Susan Noble. Susan and her foundation, Epilepsy Warriors, are doing great work for families with a child who has epilepsy.

Eileen Murray’s story struck a chord with readers. She cares for her son, Will, who at 23 years old has had epilepsy most of his life. They have tried numerous treatments for Will which is all too common of an experience for families. Will is a gentle soul with a fantastic sense of humor and, as Eileen shares in one of her stories, a heartwarming empathetic side.

The absolute brutal side of epilepsy is shared in painful detail by Christy Shake. Christy was interviewed in 2012 and she graciously gives us an update on treatments and progress over the last four years. Her personal blog, Calvin’s Story, is a must-read.

Teresa Stallone not only has epilepsy herself but cares for her mom who also has epilepsy. We followed up with Teresa from 2012 and do you know what her favorite moment has been these last few years? Finding a compassionate dentist and getting much needed dental work done. (Do not even get me started at the lack of adequate dental care for those who cannot afford it yet need it most. Anti-seizure medications can do horrible damage to teeth and general oral health.)

Sometimes epilepsy takes away our loved one, too. While epilepsy was just one piece of a whole host of issues that Mike and Lorraine Kimball’s son Mikie had, his health did not define who he was – or who they are. Mike and Lorraine are devoted parents and gave Mikie lots of love and protection in his 43 years here.

Then there is Connor Doran who has inspired me since I first saw him on America’s Got Talent. Connor continues to follow his dreams in spite of his epilepsy and the medication and epilepsy induced side-effects and has graduated with an AA, found the love of his life and was recently accepted to the University of Puget Sound (he had his fingers crossed for such a positive outcome when we interviewed him.) Congratulations, Connor!

Leslie Hammer’s story is one that rips my heart apart. She has overcome so many obstacles and sometimes that means just moving one foot in front of the other. But she does it and she does it every single day. Epilepsy needs a cure so Leslie and people like her can just be given a break.

Amy Schlenker has had to make some very difficult decisions in order to get her daughter, Paige, the treatment she needed to control her epilepsy. Can you imagine having to put your eight year old through her third brain surgery? And this one was a complete right modified functional Hemispherectomy! But it worked! I am not really in charge of these things but I hereby declare Amy Schlenker Mother of the Year!

Of course, I had to interview my brother, Robert Wright. I was just today having a conversation about Robert and his “excellent” attitude. Robert has somehow managed to live in the moment and to be content and happy with simple things. He also stays optimistic and is convinced when I interview him again in four years that “Probably I’ll get healed completely.” His faith is unwavering and he inspires me every day. I still have a lot to learn from him.

I also interviewed my husband and co-caregiver extraordinaire. 

Richard Kreis is just what Robert needs: a fellow jokester and Mr. Fix-It. I am delighted every day when I hear the two of them laughing and joking around. It drives me nuts sometimes when I’m trying to get a word in edgewise or talk about something serious but I couldn’t care for Robert without Richard. Plus, he’s a relentless advocate for caregivers!

Laurie Adamkiewicz is another mom who deserves Mother of the Year (for several years running now). Since I’m not really in charge of that award, I think it’s okay to give it away to several people. Laurie takes care of her son Kyle and has seen him and their family through some very difficult times. She was happily caring for two sons when one, at age six, started having seizures and ended up having up to 100 a day. That is life-changing. Laurie is a devoted mom and strong advocate and also a very talented photographer. Check out her website!

My last interview was with me (which is quite a trick!). I mainly wanted to answer the same questions I asked of others and to share how Robert has changed in the last four years. There has been a significant decline in his health but Robert lives with us now and it has been the best possible solution for all of us.

I am extremely grateful to have been a part of these interviews and to share these amazing people with you.

If you ever need a reminder of some of the inspiring people in this world, please re-read these stories and know that if you have epilepsy, you are not alone. If you care for someone with epilepsy, you are not alone. If you advocate for those with epilepsy, you are not alone.

Please share their stories so others know they are not alone.

Let’s change how people think about epilepsy and let’s do this together.

Epilepsy Awareness Month: Follow-up Interview with Trish

Boy is it ever hard to interview yourself! J

I did it four years ago and wanted to participate again this year in the follow-up interviews. Four years ago I posted one interview every day during the month of November for Epilepsy Awareness Month and wanted to do the same this year with a mix of new interviews and follow-up interviews.

Trish, Robert and Richard
(left to right)

I didn't quite manage to do one per day during the month of November this year but am going to cut myself some slack and not feel too bad about it (and, as you may have noticed, it's December and we still have an interview or two!). 

My hope is we can run more interviews throughout the year. After all, we need to keep talking about epilepsy year-round! 

Let’s get straight to the questions:

Robert’s Sister: I am curious what changes have occurred in the last four years. Please remind us how epilepsy has affected your life.

Robert has had uncontrolled epilepsy his entire life. He has complex partial seizures. He also has been diagnosed with Dysphagia (a swallow disorder), Parkinsonism (a movement disorder) and Restrictive Lung Disease making him prone to pneumonia.

Robert’s Sister: What is the most significant change in your life since our last interview?

Robert moved in with me and Richard at the end of March 2013. It’s hard to believe it’s been three and a half years! Also, in June 2015 we moved from our two-story house to a one story house with a bedroom and bathroom (and tub!) for Robert.

When Robert first moved in with us, there was only one bathroom downstairs and it didn’t have a tub or shower. Robert’s “room” was our living room and we transformed it into his bedroom every night. It was quite an operation giving him daily baths in a small bathroom without a tub! Robert sat on a shower chair and we used a bucket, the sink and a lot of towels. No one would have guessed he didn’t have a “real” bath every day, though.

Robert loves having his own room now and bathing him is so much easier. We wouldn’t have been able to make the move when we did without the help of our Other Brother and we are all very grateful to him for his help.

Robert’s Sister: Has the treatment changed for you or your loved one?

Over the last few years Robert has tried a few different medications and current medication dosage has changed a bit. Unfortunately, nothing has helped and Robert continues to have dozens of seizures every month. His seizures come mainly in clusters every couple of weeks with one or two seizures breaking through between the clusters. I don’t know why his seizures behave this way but this is what happens now.

A few medications that Robert tried caused behavior problems so he either had to stop them completely or be on a very low dose of them. Trileptal (Oxcarbazepine) caused Robert to be in a terrible mood all the time which, as most people know, is very unusual for him. It helped reduce his seizures but the price was too high. He was angry and upset more often than not and we gave it a good try. He is on a low dose of it which seems to help some without the nasty side-effects.

Robert also takes Sinemet now because of a movement disorder diagnosis a few years ago. This does help him with his Parkinsonism (not Parkinson’s disease) symptoms.

Fycompa was added in 2015 which also seemed to help but Robert ended up in the emergency room from it. As we eventually figured out, this was causing compulsive masturbation and he was literally not getting any sleep. It affected his behavior at all times during the day and also caused severe enough edema we thought he had a blood-clot or pneumonia. It was a horrible experience which, thankfully, we figured out within a few weeks. The medication was fairly new to the market at the time Robert tried it and there hadn’t been reports of these side-effects. Robert’s nurse practitioner reported the side-effects to the FDA since they were so severe.

2016 trip to
Epilepsy Awareness Day at Disneyland

Robert’s Sister: What sort of cognitive, intellectual, emotional or physical changes have you noticed these last four years?

How much time do you have? J

Robert has had significant physical changes in the last four years. All the new diagnoses come with additional tasks to help manage his care. Robert has had urinary incontinence since I started caring for him but he now also has bowel incontinence at times as well. That’s a tough one for me.

Robert uses a wheelchair at Day Program and when we go out but we have him use the walker around the house. He still has to eat while in his wheelchair since he’s been known to have a seizure while eating using a regular chair and then fall sideways out of it.

Robert’s nurse practitioner and I suspect Robert may also have Chronic Traumatic Encephalomyelopathy (CTEM), caused from his uncontrolled seizures and numerous concussions from falls and seizures. CTE and CTEM cannot be diagnosed until after death but with his declining motor function, decreased memory and history of depression and behavioral issues when he was younger, it is a strong possibility.

Since moving in with me and Richard, Robert has fewer angry outbursts and is very happy. His new favorite phrase is that he is doing “excellently great!”

Robert’s Sister: What caregiving help do you use?

Richard and I get IHSS hours to use for Robert but have not hired an outside caregiver. Robert is a client of the Alta Regional Center and he gets his Easter Seals Day Program funded through that as well as transportation to and from the program. With Robert’s increasing physical needs, he moved to a different program with more staff members. Robert loves it and we are very happy with it. The people are absolutely fantastic and they care greatly for Robert.

Richard and I are also eligible for 14 days of respite per year through the Alta Regional Center but, unfortunately, there are not enough care facilities available for people needing as much care as Robert. We have not had overnight respite in a very long time so we will occasionally make our own respite. When we need a break, we declare a weekend a “respite” weekend and I take a Friday off to spend with Richard while Robert goes to Day Program. Our daughter, Rachel, and her fiancé, Matt, have stayed with Robert in the evening while Richard and I go to dinner.

These are the bits of help that we are grateful for and which help keep us going!    

Robert’s Sister: Do you think your life with epilepsy has improved, stayed the same or become worse these last four years? Can you tell us why you think so?  

Our life with epilepsy has definitely improved since Robert moved in and since we moved to a one-story house. Not because the epilepsy has gone away but because it makes it much easier to care for Robert. I am much happier having him live with us so I can make sure he is getting the best possible care than when he lived in care facilities that were not a good fit for him.

However, it is very expensive being a caregiver! Robert needs quite a few over the counter medications to help manage congestion so it doesn't get out of control and lead to pneumonia. We also purchase better quality briefs than he gets from the state every month. We buy him velcro close clothes so he's able to dress and undress himself to some extent. We also found that taking him to the dentist several times a year for cleaning and various dental work keeps pneumonia at bay! Expensive but worth it. 

Robert and Puppy (Taz)

Robert’s Sister: What has been your favorite moment these last four years? 

There have been so many! All involve family or friends. Rachel and Matt got engaged; Richard and I, along with three of our caregiving friends, published a couple of books and started a website to help caregivers with practical caregiving tips; Robert moved in; Robert has developed a wonderful relationship with our dogs and even has come to love the crazy puppy; we moved to our one-story house which helps both Richard and Robert.

I have so much to be grateful for.

Robert’s Sister: What do you see for yourself or your loved one in the next four years?

Oh boy, this is a hard one. Robert’s health is such a “house of cards” I wonder if he will be around in four years. That may seem morbid but that unknown makes me more focused on the present and making sure Robert is able to eke every bit of life out of the time he does have.

Two and a half years ago Robert’s pulmonologist said Robert would most likely live only one to five more years. Of course, Robert has come back from so many near-death experiences I kind of take that prediction with a grain of salt. For all I know, Robert may outlive all of us with as many miracles as he can pull off.

I hope we are able to continue to do fun things like go to the State Fair and the movies and River Boat cruises and Epilepsy Awareness Day at Disneyland.

I really hope we are able to continue to care for Robert at home. I just don’t know if that will be possible since Richard has his own health and chronic pain issues and I have to make sure his health doesn’t deteriorate because of the physical care he is providing Robert.

We have to take things day by day and re-evaluate as needed.

Robert’s Sister: Is there anything else you want to say?

I am very grateful to Robert’s team of doctors, the staff at his Day Program as well as the drivers who take him to program and bring him back home. It may be physically difficult and emotionally tiring to care for Robert and work full-time but I am a much better person because of it.

I want to continue to advocate for an expanded definition of family under FMLA so that sibling care is included and would love to see more research done on the connection between uncontrolled seizures and CTE/CTEM. CTE is not a disease that just football players get. I firmly believe CTE is a real threat to those with uncontrolled epilepsy as well. More research is critical.

Robert’s Sister: Please tell us how we can contact any organizations you support or if you have a website or business.

I am very happy to help other caregivers and the best way I have found to do so is with my fellow authors in creating our 365 Caregiving Tips books. We have two books so far as well as a 2017 calendar which includes the gorgeous art of Pegi Foulkrod as well as practical tips taken from our books. More books will be out in 2017!

Please follow my Robert’s Sister Facebook page, the 365 Caregiving Tips Facebook page or website and find me on Twitter here and here.

Of course, I am very passionate about helping others tell their stories of living with epilepsy or caring for someone with epilepsy. I would love to run interviews throughout the year so please let me know if you are interested!

Thank you so much for reading and sharing these stories of people living with epilepsy!

Trish