Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Everyone Wants a Little Love

Happy Valentine’s Day!  (And to my east coast friends reading this tomorrow: Happy Day After Valentine’s Day!).

Robert didn’t come over this past weekend because Hubby and I had a family birthday party to attend out of town.  New Home took Robert and his roommates bowling and kept him so occupied, I didn’t hear from him all weekend.  I did visit on Sunday to stock him up on 7-Up and razors (thankfully, he still has plenty of pens!). 

When I saw him on Sunday, he told me he was able to watch church (yay for the cable install!) and he told me he got the highest score in bowling.  He said the weekend was “excellent.”  Lately, Robert has moved from describing things as “nice” to “excellent” so I’m thinking he’s pretty happy. 

He was in a joking mood and as his older sister I get to tease him a bit, so reminded him Valentine’s Day was in a few days and maybe he’d get a girlfriend at his Day Program.

“I wish I would,” was his all-of-a-sudden very serious response. 

Ouch!  Someone take away my Big Sister card.   I certainly wouldn’t have teased him about having a girlfriend if I had known love was weighing on his mind. 

Robert has known love in his life.  He was with Judy (who also has epilepsy) for more than 20 years and they lived together, took care of each other, loved each other and would have married had it not affected their Social Security benefits. 

One of the hardest decisions I’ve made in caring for Robert was separating him from Judy when it became apparent he could no longer safely live independently.  Once I moved Robert to Sacramento from his home 90 miles away, our dad brought Judy to visit.  That only lasted a few months before Judy called Robert to say she didn’t love him anymore and she wouldn’t visit him any longer. 

Robert was deeply hurt.  Robert’s emotions are usually fairly even (he doesn’t get too excited or upset about things) but I suspected he might act out since this was such a huge event.  I explained the situation to the facility he was living in and warned them he might act out but they were still surprised when he did act out by getting angry with another resident and a nurse.   

That was two years ago and Robert still calls Judy on occasion.  They talk briefly but they no longer have the connection they shared for 20+ years. 

Having a girlfriend is important to Robert.  When he moved from his old facility, he was asked what he’d like to have at his new home or his new Day Program.  What he said was, “I’d like to have a girlfriend.” 

Robert is safe and healthy now, he spends most weekends with us so he isn’t without family, and he enjoys his Day Program and has several friends and thinks that events and food are “excellent.”  Robert is one happy guy.  

The only thing missing right now is a little bit of love.  Everyone wants to be loved and to have someone to love and I have faith love will again find Robert.  

I would be delighted to have you share your love stories or your search for love in the comment section!

2 comments:

Dennis Salvatier said...

This is was a pretty sad story. Poor Robert. I've been married for almost 4 years and I've been with her for almost 10, so it's not all roses and sunshine, but I can understand wanting companionship. Who wants to feel lonely? I wish him the best of luck. There's someone for everyone.

robert's sister said...

Oh, Dennis, I didn't mean to make you sad! Robert will find someone - there's a lid for every pot. :-)