Tuesday, April 5, 2016

The Waiting

Lily was last seen in Grass Valley, CA
The waiting is the worst.

Waiting for test results.
Waiting to see if a new medication works.
Waiting to feel better.
Waiting to find a lost dog (Lily).

The waiting is the worst.

Waiting to see if Richard's extra pain is something new.
Waiting for Robert to finish eating.
Waiting for a test to even be scheduled.
Waiting to see if the sniffles develops into pneumonia.
Waiting to see if the pneumonia develops into sepsis.

Waiting feels like it sits in the half empty part of the glass.

Waiting is the worst for a glass half full girl like me.

I'm a doer. The waiting makes me "do."

I research tests and symptoms and disorders and diseases.

I print and distribute flyers and reach out on social media.

I create lists of questions.

I take vitals and keep logs and pour over them as if I were some grad student writing a dissertation.

The doing keeps me swimming in the glass half full.

When I am not doing - rather, when there is not anything to be done - the stillness of the waiting overwhelms me.

The waiting is the worst.

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