Home Alone

Thursday night: Richard finishes packing for his trip to see Airforce Son before his deployment. Taz sniffs the suitcase, tries to get into the suitcase then paces around the house.

He then pees in my office. (Hey, I’m not the one leaving! Pee in Richard’s office!)

I decide to lose five pounds while Richard is gone. It’ll be easy: stop eating junk.

Field trip! 

Friday morning: I take a vacation day from work and Robert is off to program. Richard doesn’t have to leave until early afternoon so we run to Walgreens to get more supplies for Richard’s leg which is not healing and I get a few things for the house. We watch a couple of our recorded shows once we get back home.  

We both eat a small bag of chips while watching the shows.

Hmm. Apparently, I’ll “stop eating junk” later today.  

Friday afternoon: Matt, our future son-in-law (wow – still practicing that one!), comes over to take Richard to the airport.

I have about 90 minutes before Robert comes home.

First, I turn off the television and can’t believe how quiet it is.  

It is glorious!

I go through my to-do list in my head and start with cleaning my office. First, I tackle the filing that has piled up.

By the time Robert gets home, I have most of it done! Who knew filing would make me so happy!  

Robert is home so I break from filing and go through the usual routine when he arrives home (give him treats to give to the dogs, take him to the restroom, put away his lunch box, refill his travel bag with briefs, get him settled in his recliner to relax and watch Family Feud.)

Back to the filing! To my delight, I get it done before dinner time. Woohoo!

Friday evening: I make mini burritos for Robert and decide I will skip dinner since I had a sandwich during my filing frenzy.

Eventually, I break down and eat a bowl of cereal.

Note to self: work on planning better dinners for us.

Friday night: I get Robert in bed after his dessert of Rocky Road ice cream (he’s not the one trying to lose five pounds!). The dogs and I snuggle and watch television. How is it they can still hog the entire bed even when there is one less person in it?

I set my alarm for 6:00 a.m. instead of the usual 5:30. Robert’s first morning medication is at 6:00 so I can just get up and give him meds.

I’m going to sleep in!!

Saturday morning: I wake up at 5:15. Sigh.

I let the dogs out, make some decaf coffee, feed the dogs and, at 6:00, give Robert his meds. He goes back to sleep; I pay bills and work on our taxes.

This paperwork puts me behind on my cleaning goals but I get some cleaning done before Robert wakes up.

The house is quiet except for the noise of the washer which is constantly running in this house.

Robert wakes up before I can get much cleaning done but at least I finish two rooms.

Saturday afternoon: After I giving Robert his bath and settled in to eat his breakfast, Rachel comes over to deliver an Iced Chai! Taz, Oz and even Taffy go crazy with happiness seeing her. Robert lights up when she comes over, too. We discuss wedding plans for a while then she leaves to meet a friend.

Robert, the dogs and I say our goodbyes and I close the door. Robert says, “What is her name again?”

“Rachel.”

“That’s what I was going to say.”

He enjoys her visits even if he doesn’t always remember her name.

Robert watches some Family Feud and works on his puzzle book for a bit. I get back to cleaning!

Saturday late afternoon: I take advantage of the break in the rain and take Robert to CVS. He has meds that are ready and I need more furniture polish.

On the way home, I pick up dinner: salad for me; turkey and mac & cheese for Robert.

That should make up for the mini Cadburys I couldn’t resist while at CVS . . .

Saturday night: Robert gets Rocky Road ice cream two nights in a row! We do his usual bedtime routine. I print my “bucket list” spreadsheet of every single Best Picture winner to see which one I should watch tonight.

I text Rach that I really want frozen yogurt. She offers to get it for me but I decide I better not since I remember those mini Cadburys I ate earlier.

I’m hoping I can lose at least one pound at this point.

Back to my spreadsheet. I pick “Ordinary People.”

Good thing I didn’t have FroYo. I have a pit in the bottom of my stomach throughout the entire movie. I realize it is best I watched it now instead of when it came out in 1980 since my family was going through its own dark period at that time and it really would have been too much. 

Sunday morning: I wake up at 5:15 again. Seriously?!

Back to cleaning.

Richard texts me: “I think I may have to change the leg wrap. I keep getting a scent of infection. But it could be the hotel room.”

I bust out laughing but eventually call him to be sure he is okay. I know he is a little panicky about his leg so we talk and decide the smell actually is the hotel room – probably from all the wet, snowy clothes people track in from the North Dakota winters.

I turn on the Sunday news shows while doing laundry and cleaning.

The house is getting a bit too quiet.

Sunday afternoon: Robert sleeps late again so I am making progress on the cleaning! The dogs track in mud after I mop and since it appears the rain won’t stop until July, it’s a futile attempt to actually keep it clean. The floors are at least clean for five minutes – I’ll take it!

I make Robert an omelet for his breakfast/lunch. Usually, he gets oatmeal but thought I’d give him something special today.

Rach offers to pick up anything I need from Target! Wonderful! This saves me from having to take Robert out in the rain. I mobile order drinks from Starbucks for us so she delivers groceries and a mocha (decaf, of course). That’s my girl!

Richard texts me that he is at the Minot, North Dakota “12 store mall” with Christopher and his girlfriend. Richard is sitting while the “kids” check out the stores.

I polish off the mini-Cadbury eggs. It’ll be a miracle if I don’t gain weight this weekend.

Sunday evening: The wind is picking up and I am getting a little concerned about the “atmospheric river” making its way toward us tomorrow. I’m going through an evacuation plan in my head. I have Robert’s meds all ready to put into a bag if needed. Important docs are all in one place which will be easy to grab if we have to leave. It’s a very remote chance but we do live in a flood zone so I need to plan for worst case scenario. It’s my specialty! J

I finish the laundry, feed the dogs and make Robert a sandwich for dinner. I have no inspiration for dinner at all! I am still full from those darn delicious Cadbury eggs so I didn’t eat.

I keep the streak alive and let Robert have ice cream again tonight! He’s not going to know what to do once we get back on the every other day schedule.

For some reason, I am very tired tonight. (Probably from my lack of good nutrition.)

I plan to watch another Best Picture winner but haven’t decided which one yet. Maybe the Godfather!

Richard texts that his leg is “in bee hive pain.” That’s no good.

Monday morning: I wake up at 5:45, probably because I stayed up so late watching The Godfather. I can’t believe I’ve never seen that movie. I am excited to watch Godfather Two!

Robert sleeps in again so I finish all the cleaning. The house is completely clean (well, except for the paw prints from the mud)!

I keep the news on to keep an eye on the approaching storm but also because the house is way too quiet.

Monday afternoon: Rach offers to go to the store for me. It’s raining outside but I am determined to take Robert out anyway. I load him in the car and he doesn’t complain at all about the rain. Probably because I promise him a chocolate shake on the way home. That’ll do it every time! I see Rach and Matt at the grocery store. How fun!

Monday evening: It’s pouring outside so I give Robert soup and salad for dinner and I eat a salad. Finally! Real food!

Monday night: Robert is in bed and I rent Godfather Two. Good grief! It’s three and half hours long?! I make it through an hour and then have to go to sleep.

Tuesday morning: Robert has program today and I have to go to work. Richard is due home later tonight. The dogs will be so lonely today without any of us!

Tuesday afternoon: I leave work early in order to be home for Robert. I make him a salad and pasta for dinner. Matt is kind enough to pick up Richard from the airport.

They get back home and Taz and Oz go crazy! They are excited to see Richard but Taz can’t get enough of Matt. Richard excitedly tells us about his trip and I know this is something both he and Christopher will always remember.

The house is full and noisy and I love it.

As for those five pounds. . . well, let’s just say I’ll try again another time.

Chronic Pain Rears Its Ugly Head

Sand, meet ostrich.

Yep, I can be an ostrich when it comes to my husband’s chronic pain.

Dinner in Rome

Before I go any further, though, let me be clear about a few things:

1.       I love my husband;
2.       I had a fantastic vacation of a lifetime (of which I hope there are many more!);
3.       Husband (also known as Richard) has given his permission for me to discuss this;
4.       I’m going to be brutally open and honest;

I usually write about caring for Robert or about epilepsy or being a working caregiver.  Occasionally, I’ve mentioned Richard’s chronic pain. 

When we married fifteen years ago, we combined his daughter and son and my daughter into one unified family and the back pain came along for the ride.  Between surgeries, treatments, medications (some hits, some horrific misses), it has been a part of everything.

Almost from the get-go, Richard had to stop working, we filed bankruptcy, medication misses kept him from driving for a while (a real challenge with three active kids!) and, of course, he was in constant pain.

The intrathecal pump installed several years ago, in combination with prescription painkillers, has been a life-saver.  We are back on our feet financially, Richard is able to drive again and while his pain is constant it is more manageable.  We have settled into a routine where he knows when he pushes himself he allows himself a few days to recover. I’ve learned not to nag him about what he should or should not do (okay, okay, I said I’d be open and honest: I still occasionally shake my head at him when he’s doing something he shouldn’t). 

Coping with this for so many years and developing routines has allowed me to almost forget how we have made so many adjustments in our day to day life in order to manage his pain and keep it at a minimum.

I can be such an ostrich but it is a comforting place to be sometimes.

However, it was also my downfall on our Most Wonderful Vacation Ever (enjoy the gratuitous vacation photo). J

While I was madly preparing for our vacation by making sure Robert was well cared for and my absence from work was covered, preparation for a long, overseas trip with someone who has relentless, unforgiving, chronic pain consisted of a passing thought of “if Richard is tired or in pain, he will rest.”

Worst. Idea. Ever.

Some things we would do differently next time:

1.       Do not have three legs to an already long flight.  There were too many times we rushed to catch our next flight and too many opportunities for luggage to be lost.  Which it was.

2.       Ask for assistance!  We both thought running (or walking very fast) to the next gate was acceptable.  It isn’t.  Richard was already in pain from a long flight and one of us (probably me since I wasn’t in extreme pain and theoretically should have been thinking clearly), should have just asked the flight attendant to arrange to have a cart or wheelchair pick us up upon landing or sucked it up and made arrangements to make the next flight.  Oh, the benefit of hindsight!

3.       We will never, ever put Richard’s pain medication in our checked luggage.  Richard’s bag was lost for two full days once we made it into Rome and his minimal extra medication he had with him had already been taken to help alleviate the pain from the close to 24 hour flight.  The decision to put the medication in the checked bag was made innocently enough (Richard’s pump delays him through security already and he didn’t want additional delays because of medication).  Next time: it’s going in our carry-on just like my shoes did (you don’t think I’d risk losing my shoes, do you?).

A few things we did right (most, by accident):

1.       Since we were with our two daughters and one of their boyfriend’s, it was actually more economical to book a private tour at various destinations than if we had a group tour through the cruise ship (our vacation was both on land and by cruise).  This worked out because when Richard is in pain he is cranky, irritable, and not pleasant to be around and awful in crowds.  It was best we did the private tours since seeing the inside of an Italian jail for assault was not on our bucket list this trip.

2.       We relaxed.  Yes, there was the usual sight-seeing and rush to pack in as many activities as possible but there was also a lot of time to relax by drinking cappuccinos and enjoying gelato and the occasional daily glass of wine.  It took us several days of being told by Italians to “just relax” to realize how high-strung us Californian’s really are (who knew?).

3.       Richard took breaks.  Not as often as I think he should have but I have to give him credit that he at least did take breaks.  Our visit to Cannes (yes! That’s where the famous film festival is held!), was particularly difficult for him.  The kids were exploring the beaches ahead of us and Richard finally had to stop and sit.  We left the kids (I use that term loosely since they’re in their early twenties) to explore the beautiful seaside town and Richard and I took a more leisurely pace in our exploits.

Now that we’ve been back for a week or two, I can clearly see what we should have done differently to make Richard’s pain more manageable.  Of course, in the throes of his pain and the lashing out verbally at the nearest person (usually me), I was ready to never go on vacation again.  At least, not together. 

However, I really think with more preparation, more built-in relaxation times and a little less lost luggage, we can manage the pain better.  Whether we are traveling or going about our daily lives, unforeseen crap is going to happen.  The reality is that being in pain makes it extremely difficult to deal with that extra crap.  A person with chronic pain has zero extra reserves to deal with anything except their pain. 

As with so much in caregiving, preparation is critical. I won’t stick my head in the sand again, though, by being delusional and thinking the next time we travel will be all roses and sunshine and butterflies.  Both us of will have to prepare more and hope that Richard’s pain management will benefit from that preparation.

I’d love to write more about chronic pain in order to help others dealing with it.  If you have a story about chronic pain and how to manage it, please share in the comment section here. 

In the meantime, I need to test my theory about preparation helping with the pain and start planning our next Most Amazing Vacation Ever.

 

Going on Vacation? Eight Tips to Prepare both You and Your Caree

I went on a family vacation without Robert.  Readers, friends and family know I struggle with guilt whenever I go away.  One thing I do not struggle with is preparing Robert, his care facility and even me for my absence.  

And, no, I am not writing this post just so I can share pictures of My Most Wonderful Vacation Ever.

Enjoying Barcelona with my Daughter

 

Everyone has their strengths.  Mine appear to be spreadsheets, to do lists and top ten lists. 

 

Hey, it’s something.

 

In case you need help in the list department, here are some tips for caregivers going on vacation without their caree. 

 

1.       Find a way to take a break.  Whether it’s for two days or a week or two, it will rejuvenate you in ways you never imagined.  I am lucky enough to have a generous Other Brother who helped with the expenses of my trip.  He lives a couple of hours from us and isn’t involved in the day to day care of Robert but he sure knows how to keep his sister sane.  Between humorous emails, a listening ear and a generous heart, Other Brother does his part.  I am grateful and know how lucky I am. 

 

Finding help for your caree while away can be a challenge.  Kathy, who cares for her Hubby, uses the resources at the Veteran’s Administration to give her an annual break.  Her Hubby served his country and now is living with Lewy Body disease.  Kathy is his full-time caregiver and struggled for years to take advantage of this benefit.  Once she did, she realized it is something she can’t do without.

 

2.       Plan for the Worst.  This sounds morbid but I did make plans in the event Robert needed to be hospitalized (not out of the realm of possibility since he had pneumonia and sepsis in May).  Other Brother was on board with being the contact person in the event of an emergency.   New Home was given instructions to contact Other Brother if Robert landed in the hospital.  My best friend offered to take Robert’s calls if he called the office.  Others offered to be available in the event he needed anything.  New Home was given these contact numbers as well.   

 

3.       Give Replacement Caregivers Plenty of Notice.  I notified New Home and Day Program well in advance of my trip.   In fact, I told them before I told Robert.  Robert wouldn’t remember if I gave him two months’ notice but his facility and day program would be aware of my plans to be away.  This gave me time to discuss solutions to problems that might arise while I was away.  I wasn’t sure if Robert would become surly if he missed three weekends at my house and wanted to prepare all of his caregivers for this possibility.  As it turns out, Robert didn’t get cranky at all but I was happy to have prepared for this possibility. 

 

4.       Create a Care Summary.  Robert lives in a care facility and (knock on wood), of late, I’ve been cautiously happy with the facility.  (Are there enough disclaimers there?)  The new House Manager is communicative, enthusiastic and sincere.  She’s the best thing to happen to New Home.  I notified her as well as the nurse, director and their patient advocate (using the term loosely) of my plans.  I sent them my one page emergency spreadsheet: meds list, contact list, doctor numbers, etc.  This summary sheet includes Robert’s insurance information as well as his Day Program contacts and Other Brother’s contact information.  By now, New Home knows not to change Robert’s medications and understand his quirks so I didn’t need to tell them these things but a new caregiver would benefit from this information.

 

5.       Schedule Meetings and Appointments around the Vacation.  New Home has an annual ISP meeting for Robert (basically, a care plan meeting).  This is always held in his birthday month which is when I had the trip planned.  I asked the meeting not be held while I was away and was assured it would not. When I left on September 2, a date had not yet been set.  When I checked my email on September 3 (from a different country), it was being set up for two days after my arrival back home.  I wasn’t thrilled with this since it meant missing more work after a lengthy absence but I was able to attend and am (although grumbling a bit) grateful they granted my request not to meet while I was away.  Robert also had appointments with his neurologist and general practitioner shortly before I left so I was confident he was healthy.

 

6.       Prepare the Caree.  When it got a little closer to our departure date, I told Robert about our vacation. He wanted to know when I would be gone and his first comment was, “That’s during my birthday.”  (Not helping with the guilt, Robert!).  I assured him we would celebrate his birthday when we returned.  I also arranged for my Mother-in-Law to deliver a cake to his Day Program on his birthday.  House Manager even got him a cheeseburger, fries and Rocky Road Ice Cream on his birthday.   From all reports (including from Robert himself), he had a wonderful day.

 

I reminded Robert about the trip a few times but I also wrote the dates we would be gone on all of Robert’s calendars.  I think this simple act reassured him I would return and he could resume his usual activities of visiting me on the weekends (although I think what he really missed were the chocolate shakes he gets here).

 

7.       Stock up on Familiar Supplies.  Robert is very routine driven and has trouble with change.  I insist on providing all of his personal care items because he has particular brands he likes and is discombobulated if he gets a different brand of toothpaste or shampoo.  This familiarity also provides some comfort to your caree when the regular routine is changed (as it is when you’re off on vacation).  I showed Robert where everything was and notified his New Home of the location of his extra supplies in case he didn’t remember.  I even remembered his blue, clicky pens this time . . .

 

8.       Ease into the Return.  I got back from vacation and resisted the urge to call Robert immediately.  I was confident he was still in good hands and I needed to recover from a long, stressful flight and jet lag.  I gave myself this extra time and called him after a couple of days of being back and saw him at his ISP meeting, taking him to Day Program afterwards.  My delay may seem selfish but I knew I had to ease myself back into my full-tilt caregiving role.  Everyone is different but it’s important to step back and recognize your own needs.  (Preferably while keeping the guilt caged up in another room).  When Robert visited us the weekend after we returned, he was happy to hang out drinking his shake and being on the receiving end of souvenirs (a blue, clicky pen from the cruise ship and a pendant of Mary to go with his gold cross necklace).  My husband and I were happy to have him over and were well refreshed to resume our caregiving role.

 

Do you have any other tips for caregivers leaving on vacation?  I would love to hear your ideas!

Traveling and Caregiving: Yes, There are Similarities

I had an amazing vacation (and can’t thank Other Brother enough for his help in “underwriting” this trip).  If only I could have brought back one of these delicious and artful gelatos for you!  (Who am I kidding - I wouldn’t have because this deliciousness was too wonderful!).  

Addicted to gelato

I did realize, however, I am a terrible traveler.

It’s not that I don’t love traveling because every time I go on a trip I scheme to figure out some way I could do it as a career.  (As long as my entire family could tag along since we all need to try as many flavors of gelato as possible).

I don’t travel often enough to be a confident traveler.  One thing I have going for me, though, is that I’m flexible.  An hour delay on the tarmac in Dallas (to fix a light bulb in the cockpit) wasn’t a huge deal to me.  Hubby and I kept ourselves entertained with an episode or two of NCIS which he had downloaded onto his iPad (his patience with the light bulb issue was a little less than mine).

I have to admit, though, once we finally made it to London and had to make a mad dash to our connecting flight to Rome, I was also cursing the darn light bulb.

While I wasn’t caregiving for Robert during this vacation, caregiving was on my mind.  Caregiving requires a great deal of flexibility too. When I notice Robert is dragging his foot more and is sleepier than normal, I allow more time for appointments or I let him sleep in and keep a sharp eye on him. 

What I’m not so good at when traveling or caregiving is recognizing my own needs.

If I’m thirsty, I often don’t realize it until my mouth is parched and I’m way past dehydrated.

If I’m hungry, it isn't until I start eating a meal at 9:30 p.m. that I realize all I’ve eaten that day was a muffin, half a spring roll and a piece of chocolate (oh that’s healthy!).

Caregiving can put the blinders on my eyes as far as my own needs are concerned too.  Many times, I don’t realize I need a break until I snap at Robert for getting his pajamas on too slowly. 

Why am I really frustrated?  Because I’m tired and want to go to bed but can’t until Robert is dressed, shaved and medicated.

I might get short with Robert if a doctor appointment has run long and I haven’t yet eaten lunch.  Whose fault is that?  Oh, yeah.  NOT Robert’s.

Caregivers are told to “take a break” or “Put your oxygen mask on first.” (My least favorite bit of advice).

Caregivers will be the first to tell you that’s a nice idea but not practical.  If Robert is having a seizure or is in the hospital or actually needs to be getting ready for bed (at his glacial pace), I can’t just stop caring for him because I need a break. 

What I can do is be better about recognizing my own needs before my lack of doing so makes me cranky/hungry/tired/a raving beatch.

I can bring a (healthy) snack to appointments or do some quick exercises while Robert is dressing at bedtime. 

I need to recognize when my bucket is empty and realize I need to refill it on a regular basis (when it doesn’t interfere with caregiving).

I also need to drink a lot more water whether I want to or think I need to!

And I definitely need to eat more gelato . . .

Vacation!

Sheesh, after all the planning and prepping and packing and organizing, I need a vacation!

Oh, wait . . .

Can I come too?

Yay!  I am going on vacation! This isn’t going to be any vacation, either, but a vacation of a lifetime.  Both daughters graduated from college this year and have planned a trip to Europe as a celebration for years. 

Hubby and I are tagging along (partly due to a generous gift from Other Brother and partly because I’m having a difficult time coming to terms with the girls growing up!).  Yes, I plan to follow them around wherever they go throughout their life (shhh, don’t tell them my plan!).   

The vacation looks a little different for all of us (they left before we did and one daughter and her boyfriend are staying longer than the rest of us) but we meet up in Rome and will all be together for a few days touring the sites and drinking some wine and then will board a giant ship for a seven day cruise to France, Spain and other parts of Italy. 

I guess I should have paid attention in French class or taken Italian!  Well, let’s see, I know “Ciao” and “Vino.”  I better learn “please,” “thank you” and “where the heck is the bathroom?”  I’ve been practicing a few words but I can’t seem to get the accent down and end up stumbling over the words and sounding exactly like some American who doesn’t know the language.   

I better stick to drinking wine and not talking.

Vacation prep has been going on for months.  Aside from actually planning the vacation and transportation and tours (not to mention preparing for my absence at work), I have to be sure Robert is aware we will be gone and is well-stocked with his supplies.  His care facility and Day Program have been notified I will be gone and given contact information for Other Brother in case of an emergency.  They have been warned Robert may get grumpy because his routine of visiting us is being disrupted.

I had to tell Robert a few times that we would be leaving and when we would be gone.  I also wrote it on all of his calendars so he will be reminded when he looks at the calendar.  If he happens to call my office (which happens frequently) then my best friend will talk to him and remind him I’m gone for a while and will offer to take care of whatever he may need.

It’s been an ongoing battle to keep guilt at bay, especially since Robert’s birthday falls while we are away.  Don’t think this didn’t escape his attention – when I first told Robert when I would be on vacation he was quiet for a while and then said, “That’s during my birthday.” 

Yep.  He can’t remember what year it is or the name of the president or what he had for lunch but he certainly knows when his birthday is!

That’s okay; I know Robert will be fine.  My wonderful Mother-in-Law is going to take birthday cake to his Day Program and his house manager is going to treat him to a cheeseburger and Rocky Road Ice Cream that night.  Plus, we’ll have a celebration once we return from vacation.  He’s going to be one happy guy.

We’ve arranged for the animals to be cared for and Other Brother even gets to have Sassy (and all of her medications) again for a while (we’ve shared custody of her ever since Mom died which means Sassy is about 102 years old).

My suitcase is packed and weighs in just under the weight limit (I refuse to pay extra to check another suitcase or pay a penalty for an oversize bag).  Admittedly, my shoes have to be in my carry on to stay within the weight limit but I have to bring several pairs of shoes!  I mean, I have to! I can make a lot of sacrifices but paring down my shoe choices is not one of them.

Thankfully, a friend reminded me to leave my guilt at home because otherwise my bag would be over the weight limit!  I’m taking her advice and going on vacation with confidence the animals and Robert will be well cared for. 

While I’m away, I have scheduled interviews with other family caregivers which (hopefully) will automatically post.  Enjoy meeting these family caregivers!

Also, check back over the weekend of September 7 for epilepsy related posts (including an interview with Robert) in support of the Talk About It Foundation’s first annual Epilepsy Awareness Weekend.

Ciao!

The Split Personality of Vacation

Some people call me a Pollyanna (okay, I call myself that sometimes too). I prefer to think of this trait as being “positive” and “optimistic” and not “naïve” or “completely out of touch with reality.”

Any situation can be viewed from different perspectives leaving some people happy as clams (hey, don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it) or Gloomy Gusses (and everything in between).

Vacation is rife with opportunities to see things in a positive light, letting one enjoy a break no matter what happens or to see all the obstacles standing in the way of a relaxing, enjoyable time.

Which would you choose? (In case you didn't guess, I chose Option B in each scenario).

Situation #1 (we’re going in chronological order here): On our way to the beach, we drop off our Princess Sassy at Other Brother’s house (Sassy is our Toy Pomeranian, and yes, she prefers to be addressed as “Princess”). Sister-in-Law engages in a very frank discussion (aka, intervention) about moving Robert into our house and lays out the reasons why it is not good for me, my health, my family or the health of my family.

Option A: Engage in an argument, be hurt and let this discussion temper the excitement of the beach (which is so close!).

Option B: Since I’ve known SIL for over 25 years, know she is coming from a genuine place of caring and of being a real sister to me. Wonder why the heck it took so long for Other Brother to tell her of these plans (okay, this was a minor distraction). Seriously consider every point she brought up and discuss the decision with Hubby again, revisiting each point (after vacation). We came to the same conclusion (moving Robert in with us but more resolved to have it be temporary if it affects our own health or well-being or family). Thank you, SIL, for making me think this through even more.

Situation #2: While I am sitting on the beach ten minutes after arriving to the coast, Robert calls to tell me he’s out of day time briefs (I had just visited him the night before and he was completely stocked with everything I provide for him. New Home provides the daytime briefs). I confirm the situation with the aide who tells me the shipment hasn’t arrived yet. House Manager is my next call and we have a discussion about (1) how in the world this could happen and (2) how she is going to get him more briefs (because putting him into the tape diapers instead of finding him pull up diapers takes away his independence and is not acceptable to me). After a discussion about why she can’t use his “P&I” account to go to CVS to purchase pull up briefs (it apparently takes a week to get proper authorizations), she agrees to get a few from Day Program that were there for back up.

Option A: Become angry, hostile and irritated. Sulk for the rest of the afternoon about the incompetence of whoever was in charge of ordering the briefs which completely distracts from the beauty of the day.

Option B: Recognize that I couldn’t be in a better place to solve this problem. Sitting on the beach, looking at the ocean, scouting the sea for sea lions while helping House Manager come up with a solution so Robert is dry and in briefs he can pull up and down when needed. I’d like to solve problems like this every day!

Situation #3: Good Lord, my step-daughter wants to get a tattoo!