Appreciating the Goodness in People

Maybe it’s because there was yet another school shooting.

Maybe it’s because two sheriff’s deputies in our area were senselessly gunned down just a few days ago.

It is the small acts of
kindness that leave a mark
on our heart

Maybe it’s because I am sick of all the negative news about all of it: shootings, Ebola, this politician attacking that politician, terrorists – YUCK! I cannot even list all the negative things without feeling sick to my stomach.

In spite of all of this negativity in the world, I have to remind myself there are good people.  Lots of them. Yes, there are heroes who accomplish newsworthy feats but there are also people who just go about their day being kind in small ways. Or who just do a little bit extra at their job and don’t realize how much they help someone else.

They don’t make the news.  They don’t have a viral video to document what they have done. They do not get invited to appear on a national morning show. Sometimes, they aren’t thanked or are even aware of what they have done.

It doesn’t matter.  These are the people who count. These are the ones who remind us there is good in the world and we haven’t all gone mad. These are the people I want to thank because these are the ones who will teach their children how to be kind; show others by example that goodness in people exist.

I realize this is not an original thought but when a string of horrifying events occur, it is a matter of self-preservation to remind myself of the goodness in the world.

Appreciation goes to . . .

• Rodney who delivers Robert’s monthly incontinent supplies. He wanted to be sure we got the supplies timely so made an extra effort to deliver them one evening. He called to be sure we were home then thoughtfully parked halfway down the court and whispered as he came to the house, pushing a dolly full of briefs, gloves and bed pads. He explained, “I didn’t want to disturb the boys.” Oz and Taz were none the wiser!

• Julie, who is Robert’s epileptologist’s nurse practitioner.  Heck, Robert’s whole neurology team. They are responsive to my emails and phone calls; they genuinely listen to my concerns, questions and hesitation about any new medications. They graciously take and review my seemingly endless logs of seizures and vitals and “other symptoms.

• The barista who remembers my drink (which says far too much about my lack of imagination and frequency of coffee runs);

• Tanya from Robert’s Day Program who took time to tell me how much she enjoys having Robert at her program. She gushed how much she appreciates Robert’s positive attitude and his willingness to cheer up others having a hard day. Do I appreciate her because she told me good things? Absolutely not (because she’s told me when Robert was being difficult, too).  I appreciate the communication and her care for not only Robert but all of her clients. 

• Salita, the kind hair stylist at JC Penney.  It is a mutual admiration session when Robert goes in for his haircut and mustache trim.  There are hugs and laughter and often, there are gifts. I cannot explain their connection but it is wonderful to see. 

• Laine, a Facebook friend who lifts my spirits with her encouraging posts and knowledge about nutrition and health. We are on opposite sides of the political spectrum but I can set that aside and be grateful for the strong, supportive woman I know her to be. 

• Pegi, Kathy, Denise, Casandra, Elissa, Lisa, Cathy, GJ, Jane, Teresa and - well I am fortunate to have so many dear friends that are too many to mention. We may have met through caregiving circumstances but I have grown to love each and every one of them because of their extreme kindness and support toward each other and us and many, many others. 

• Carol, who has a special fondness for Robert and shows it every time she visits with him. They share a deep spiritual connection which warms my heart to see;

• Joelle, who is not only my best friend but who works tirelessly as a foster mom to numerous dogs while also being mom to two of her own dogs (one a “foster fail.”).  

• Richard, who may be my husband (so I might be a bit biased) but he has shown what a true friend he is by creating his own team for a Walk for Alzheimer’s to benefit our friend, Steve. Richard will be walking alone but has raised, at last count, $500 for the Alzheimer’s Organization.   

• Rachel, who is a terrific friend to many (both human and of the animal variety), makes me laugh more than what should be legal and who gently reminds me (as only a daughter can) to care for myself as well as I care for others.

As I write this I realize how much goodness there is in my world and how fortunate I am to be surrounded by such beautiful people. I could go on and on because there are so many little things people do that leave their mark on my heart. Perhaps we need to hold those moments especially close when feeling overwhelmed by the bad news of the day (or week or month).

I would love if you added to my modest list in the comments below. I would love to read about the kindness you have encountered!

Kindness – Every Little Bit Helps

It is sometimes difficult to believe in the goodness of the human race when there is such evil, violence and despicable acts splashed across most news sites.

A fond memory of mom

It can be difficult to see the goodness even for a Pollyanna like me, especially if I’m feeling under the weather – which I am due to a dental implant gone wrong.  As my daughter succinctly pointed out, I have become one of “those” stories – the horror stories people repeat to each other about medical procedures gone as wrong as you can imagine.

Here I am on pain medication and antibiotics with a raging infection in my mouth, swelling in my jaw and on a forced diet because I can only open my mouth wide enough to fit in the tiniest bits of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (on the softest bread possible and absolutely no crust because even that is hard to chew).   

I guess pizza is a bad idea for dinner tonight.

I’m trying to get some work done from home today but it’s difficult to avoid the news.  The situation in Ohio is nothing short of horrific which is one reason we want to crown a hero.  People want to balance out the evil – let’s see some good!  Yay!  The women were saved by someone not afraid to get involved and not willing to ignore screaming from the neighbor’s house.  We have a hero! 

Then, for some odd reason, we want to dig up all the dirt possible on this man.    

Guess what?  People are not perfect.  People make mistakes – big mistakes (and, believe me, spousal abuse is a big mistake).  These mistakes cannot define a person, however.  These are pieces of a person’s life – some good, some really awful. 

I really don’t know anything about Charles Ramsey other than he, along with Angel Cordero, is credited with helping Amanda Berry escape her tormentor.  That is kindness.  Their efforts go a long way toward restoring our faith in the goodness of humans.  Maybe it even helps him make peace with his past mistakes. 

It’s such a simple concept: Be kind.  Spread kindness.  Do something kind for someone.  It doesn’t have to be huge because the ripples of kindness go beyond what we can even imagine. 

I believe people want to be kind.  Everyone wants to make a difference – to have an impact and to find a purpose to being here.  When my mom was dying of liver cancer, she struggled to know what her purpose had been.  She wasn’t famous or even outgoing but she was kind.  While she wondered what her purpose was, she tipped the cashier at the McDonald’s drive-thru.   She packed a bag full of groceries out of her cupboards when her daughter was struggling as a single mom.  She even threw in a box of dryer sheets because her daughter thought it was too extravagant to spend $3.50 on dryer sheets when every penny counted.

Throughout her life, Mom had also been depressed, suicidal and drank too much boxed wine.

None of these pieces of her solely defined her.  She was made up of kindness and a complicated life and poor coping skills.  In the end, it was her kindness that won out. 

We visited her favorite beach before she died and she made friends with a small boy who decided Mom was the one person on the entire beach he wanted to share his starfish with.  She spent time with him and made that moment on the beach memorable for me, watching my mom exude kindness.   Who knows how that kindness rippled through the boy’s life (or mine)?

 These small bits of kindness add up and make it easier to believe in the goodness of people. 

Let’s find the goodness and kindness in ourselves and share it with the world.  Even in bits as small as my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

Happy Mother’s Day, mom!  Your kindness is missed.